Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Bee Taxed

April 15, 2008

By Buzz Marketeer

From the Central Hive

My Mission: To help you bee all you can bee. (But I’m warning you; it's gonna sting like a mutha!)

Whoa Nellie! You folks know what day this is, dontcha? You there, soppin' up your umpteenth malt liquor, don't fret. Sure, Uncle Sam took all your money, but this year the joke's on him cuz the dollar ain't worth what it was this time last year. But with any luck, things will take an upturn, not continue the slide South. Sure, there's more doom and gloomers out there than you can shake a stick at, but faithful ones, remember Who loves ya baby! For those of you who were crumb crunchers in the mid-seventies, that was Kojak's favorite line. So, what's new and exciting with Buzz you ask? Well folks, I'm sure most of you have been following the Presidential race coverage. I'm proud that my hive is full of the smart and observant of all the bees. We work hard...well, some of us. Well, waiting is hard work and let me say in my own defense that there's a lot of deep thinking that goes on during that long wait for Queenie to choose her beau. I know, I know...it's a "one flight stand"...and in this case I'm glad I missed out on all the fun. Anyhoo, so all the buzz is about this Obama character. Just let me say that generally speakin', when all the buzzin' stops, that's when the honey either tastes it's sweetest or is just a big mass of worthless, tasteless goo. Sure, a lotta folks have been lured in by the sweet taste, but they best bee careful not to get stung when they reach in for the goods.

So, I could use your input on Buzz's next adventure...and it's a big one. My alter-ego, Jas, is finally gettin' the gumption to get a movin' on some of his greatest passions in life. Well, let's hope he's serious this time. No doubt he's got plenty of ideas and he's got the ideals to keep him centered. Anyway, he wants me, Buzz Marketeer, to bee his marketing arm. Yeah, he thinks I'd do a good job at promoting not only his ideas, but also putting my seal of approval on ideas that promote the things we both stand for...the things that originally made this country great...those things that the Creator Bee deems worthy of fighting for. All this will be happenin' either at buzzmarketeer.com or at beethemiracle.com. I have to say, I was pretty flattered about the offer, which is sure to bring me the kind of fame I truly deserve and give Jas a great outlet. I think we'll be highlighting a lot of the people and ideas that really drive people to be their very best and to help others believe and achieve theirs. Well folks, it's time for me to get me some shut-eye now. Been a long day at the Central Hive. Lots of buzzin' goin' on these days. Much work to do and too few willing to step up and let their voices bee heard. So, I'll bee steady at the wheel until we get safely to the other side.

So, reporting from the Central Hive for your reading pleasure, this is Buzz Marketeer signing off for now. But stay tuned for more, exciting newzzzzz!


Saturday, January 26, 2008

Bee Fall

January 14, 2008

By Buzz Marketeer

From the Central Hive

My Mission: To help you bee all you can bee. (But I’m warning you; it's gonna sting like a mutha!)

Buzz here again, gang. I know, it’s been far too long since I checked in with you. My apologies, but this time I wasn’t just out saving some poor shlub from gettin’ a baby grand dropped on his noggin. That would’ve given “B flat” a whole new meaning, eh?

Anyway, I’ve been wing deep tryin’ to help some dear friends who are in heap big trouble. See, last Spring my pal Biz phoned me up. He was pretty worked up. With him it doesn’t take much. He’s kinda uppity, but I’d already been keepin’ watch on what was happening with honeybees around the world dying off. Maybe you’ve heard about it. Yeah, they’re in some thick soup, friends. They’re callin’ it something like Colony Collapse Syndrome. No. Disorder...Colony Collapse Disorder. Something’s taking ‘em out in big numbers and nobody’s got a clue why, so they called me to get my massive brain workin’ on a way to put a stop to this massive pain in the hive. And I gotta bee honest. This one’s been kickin’ my butt.

So, we’re gonna need to work together guys. I mean, we got bees leavin’ home and not coming back...ever. It’s like the ol’ “roach motels. Do you remember those? Roaches check in but they don’t check out. In this case the bees check out, but they never come back. Beekeepers and lab coats are sayin’ my pals are getting confused and disoriented, then can’t find their way home, so they end up droppin’ like flies (no offense guys). Reminds me of my young and foolish days after chuggin’ down too much of that dew brew. You know how you have “Don’t drink and drive”? Well, we have “Fly Dry.” Ah, good times, but those days are long gone. Nah, it’s definitely better to bee mature about things. And I use the term “mature” lightly. I mean, you gotta have a screw loose to run around in this getup. But seriously folks, we’ve gotta roll up our sleeves to nip this thing in the bud, so as much as I love jabber jawin’ with you all, I gotta get back to work.

In my next installment I’ll fill you in with what YOU can do to help.

That's all for now, friends. From the Central Hive, this is Buzz Marketeer signing off. Stay tuned and stay close.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Bee Compassionate

December 11, 2007

By Buzz Marketeer - From the Central Hive

My Mission: To help you bee all you can bee, but it's gonna sting like a mutha!

Hello friends. Buzz here. Today’s message is about compassion. Gang, when was the last time you did something on a whim? I mean when was the last time you did something really out of character? No, I don’t mean adding whip cream to your half caf double espresso mocha latte or even parting your hair on the other side for the day. I mean, when was the last time you got out of your comfort zone to get to know a co-worker you don’t like...or gave up some weekend time to help a neighbor fix their leaky faucet? Guys, I don’t know if you’ve been paying much attention to what’s going on around you lately, but our great land is in heap big trouble. Yes, there’s something called “I” trouble plaguing this great nation and it’s at epidemic proportions. And it’s affecting everybody. Folks, I’m gonna tell you somethin’. There’s only a few of us left who bee-lieve enough in the value of freedom and personal achievement available in this great country to speak out about it. You there, with the remote control in your other hand and the quart of low fat, low carb, low sodium, high-priced cookie dough ice cream in front of you. I’m talkin’ to you. You’re a good person. You live your life tryin’ to make a good living, be a good a citizen, a good parent, tryin’ to keep your nose clean, tryin’ not to offend anyone...to live and let live. You pay your taxes, you only drive 5 or 10 miles an hour over the speed limit most days and vote your conscience. I applaud you. You believe in the Great Creator Bee, believe in doing the right thing and not rockin’ the boat. You’re mostly okay with the status quo, because it’s safe and stable. Maybe you’re close to retirement and you just wanna finish the race, so you can take it easy...relax in style. Take that cruise and maybe even buy that sports car you’ve been eyein’. Man, who am I to judge you? Nobody. I’m nobody. And I'm not here to judge. The question is, at what price freedom? Have you been complacent? What have you compromised to get what you got? How many people have you helped on your journey...and I mean really helped? What will your epitaph read? Will people remember your contributions to mankind or to your vacation fund? That you gave freely of your time or that you always gloated about what you got for free?

So, what now? Are you feeling a little convicted? Maybe not. Maybe you’re okay with where you are in life. Maybe your goals and dreams have been trampled on for so long that nothin’ much matters to you anymore, except finishing the race without losing any more ground. Maybe you’ve forgotten what it is to hope as a child does. Maybe you now think hope is overrated. Maybe you gave up on your childhood dreams a long time ago because you were criticized, chastised, ostracized, knocked down, beat up one side and down the other for so long, you ended up deciding it wasn’t worth the pain to pursue it another second. Maybe you’ve been hurting for so long, that your heart of hearts has been boarded up, chained up and armor-reinforced with a state of the art security system, so there’s no way anybody can ever hurt you again. And maybe you’ve even become the person that you once hated...the person that pushed you down face first into the mud and then kicked you when you were down in it. Friend, if that’s where you are in life, I have compassion for you.

I’m asking you to first off, forgive those people that hurt you the most. Shed that layer. Let it be lifted off of you so you can breathe again. Now, forgive yourself. No matter what you’ve done in your life; no matter what you’ve said or who you may have hurt, there is always forgiveness available. I don’t care how unthinkable or horrific the offense. If we cannot forgive...if we can no longer hope...we are no longer human. Now call someone that’s been on your mind. Better yet, just show up on at their door. Talk to them. Forgive them of a past offense or ask them to forgive you. Next, tell them what I shared with you. Tell them to pass this along to someone else they care about.

Next, take a nap. Yeah, this process can be so cleansing, but also be quite exhausting. Now, make a permanent change to your life today. Don’t put it off until tomorrow, because folks, we may not have a tomorrow. Sure, you could get hit by a Zamboni at the skating rink. Worse, we can allow this great country of ours to get hijacked by the do-gooders who are only looking out for #1. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of people tellin’ me how to live my life. My next message will be entitled “Bee Humble”.

That's all for now, friends. Stay tuned for more thrilling comments ahead.

This is Buzz Marketeer signing off for now from the Central Hive. Thanks for reading.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Bee Committed

Bee The Miracle

November 26, 2007

By Buzz Marketeer

From the Central Hive

My mission is clear: To explode political correctness in the name of Truth and Love.

Hello friends. Buzz here. Today’s message is about commitment. You might ask, “what does he know about commitment? Well, before I left the hive I was committed all right. Committed to three people; me, myself and I. All I did was hang with my homies, eat royal jelly, and wait for a chance to get lucky with the Queen. Lucky for me I got out when I did though. Have you seen what happens to drones after they mate? (Hard swallow). Can you say “fatal attraction”? And have you SEEN what happens to drones that DON’T get a shot with her Highness? Talk about a jacked up situation! Yeah, they get strong-armed out the hive by the females....and usually end up freezing to death. Now that’s cold (bdum bum)! So why do the ladies have it out for the males? Talk about a female dominated society. What’d we ever do to them? Actually, I think that’s just it...we don’t ANYTHING except lie around, eat, poop and make them clean up after us. All the while sporting a pipe dream (at least for most) that we get to have a magical “encounter” with the Queen. That’s the life huh? Err, except for the horribly cruel ending...and there’s no way to candy coat THAT. Gettin’ your genitalia ripped out? Sure, though one drone gets a chance to live out his lifelong fantasy, he definitely ends up taking one for the team..in a very unexpected way (record scratch). But it does further the species, right? The only difference is, I’m thinkin’ he’s not so concerned about the greater good....only in soothing his burning loins. But really, drones don’t have a choice...that’s who they are.

On the other hand, humans DO have choices. And for those of you that live in the free world, specifically the good ‘ol U.S. of A, perhaps at times it may seem like too many choices. So, what the heck does ANY of this have to do with commitment you ask? Well, plenty. Look, a bee hive is one of nature’s greatest examples of poetry in motion. Its inner-workings personify commitment. All the bees (yes, even the slouch drones) have a purpose within the colony and follow it through...even unto death. So, we know bees are committed to each other, but they’re also interminably bound to the flower. Yeah, they need lots and lots of pollen and nectar to make just a single drop of honey. The bees need the flowers and the flowers need the bees. What a perfectly grand design, eh?

Well, more than ever in this country (yep, gettin’ serious on you) We The People need to lock arms and get in lock step with each other and care more than just pittance about finding our common ground. Choose to listen more than you talk. Open that mind. There are some really rotten forces working overtime trying to divide us...polarize us...and it’s working. Bah! Sure, we all have our differences..but isn’t that what made America great in the first place; her open embrace to diversity? Stop for just a second and think about who and what you’re peeved at the most. Boy, that didn’t take long did it? I’m not takin’ sides here, because that’s the whole problem...the line in the sand has been drawn...AGAIN! But let me tell you what. In that game of drawing a line in the sand, the only winners are the ones who choose not to take sides, rather to search for truth and not be afraid of it when they find it. Hey sorry this is sounding like a politcal discussion, but understand that we have to pull our collective head out of the sand. Afterall this stuff affects everyone, regardless of their choosing.

So, now what? Did any of you see that Twilight Zone where these aliens pick a small town to experiment on? Yeah, they create a few unexplainable events and then sit back and let the people get all paranoid and panicked. Everyone in town eventually starts becoming suspicious that theirs neighbors are aliens and the town almost ends up tearing itself apart. That’s what I see starting to happen here, but on a much bigger scale. Sure, we do have problems, but we’re blaming the wrong people. Listen to me, America. Find out what those unalienable rights that you take for granted actually ARE. Here's a link.


Hey, you don’t even have to like the Founding Fathers or that they had slaves or that they were too religious or too rich or too drunks or womanizers. Whatever! Am I perfect? Are you? I rest my case. The point I’m making is that they got it. They understood something. They understood that people are all the same and were born to live free! I can’t stress that enough. Why do you think people from all nations started coming here? Because they were oppressed in their home countries. Same reason why we broke off from England in the first place. It doesn’t mean their homes lands were bankrupt of all cultural, social, religious, economic values and ideas. It simple means that the folks that emigrated here believed that America would give them and their families the opportunities to breathe freedom more than their homelands ever could.

Why have we strayed so far from these ideas? Because over many generations we kept trying to fix even the things that weren’t broken. Parents don't like to see their children to struggle like they did. Sure, it's noble and loving, but we have to be careful that we continue teaching them the values that we value most, even if it means letting them fall off the horse. We just have to teach them to get back on. Don't let cycle of enablement begin under your roof. That is something you can control. You've probably heard this, but it never seems to get old. Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him to fish and he eats for a lifetime...not to mention how he can repeat the cycle.

So today, I’m kindly, but firmly urging all Americans to Bee The Miracle, Bee Committed, get involved by becoming informed from more than just one side of the argument. Listen...and I mean REALLY listen to what’s on people’s hearts. Your neighbor is not your enemy...no, not even the one with the Vote Hilary or Vote Ron Paul bumper sticker on their Prius or Suburban. Go introduce yourself and express to them that you are tired of all the bickering and you want, nay WE NEED, to find some common ground, otherwise we WILL lose this great country down the black hole, never to be seen again.

That's all for now, friends. Stay tuned for more thrilling comments ahead.

This is Buzz Marketeer signing off for now from the Central Hive. Thank for reading.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Straight Talk From Buzz

Bee The Miracle

November 24, 2007

By Buzz Marketeer

From the Central Hive

My mission is clear: To explode political correctness in the name of Truth and Love.

Do you remember when substance used to count for something? In these times of plenty, do we really have more of what’s important or just more? When did quality get replaced with quantity? When did faster become better than slow and deliberate? With modern convenience, greater knowledge, prosperity, enlightenment and the miracles of medicine, we’ve also inherited poorer quality, less wisdom, financial and spiritual bankruptcy and self-imposed health issues, to name a few.

And what about integrity? Confidence in the so-called “trustworthy” is at a pitiful low. Look at all broken promises everywhere you look...even from institutions we have long put our faith in. Who can you trust to give you real truth these days? We should forget about trying to tell what people what we think they want to hear. Let's stop tiptoeing through tulips and just give it to ‘em straight. They may not like it, but they can handle it. We need not be ashamed of having absolutes. In fact, we need a road map to set us on the proper course. Sure, there are lots of gray areas in life. Those are the areas within our culture where so many experts and do-gooders have concentrated their energies. Why? Because it serves their personal interests, not necessarily because it serves the interests of “We The People”. We are a strong people, but with so much of an emphasis placed on exploiting our fears and weaknesses, it’s no wonder we’ve sunk to a new low as a nation.

So, dear reader, you now be wondering what can be done about this sad state we’re in. Is it too late to set things right? To turn this ship around? I say nay. What we need is to return to our roots; get back to basics. And no, I don’t mean you have to return that new 50 inch plasma screen to Circuit City. Listen, nothing in of itself is a bad thing. It’s the value we place on things...and where we place our real values. We need to find new ways to create the same kind of unity born from a shared struggle; the sense of purpose in establishing a common goal. Listen, I’m not gonna sit here and blow smoke up your skirt. The truth is, the enemy isn’t a person, a political party, an evil dictator, a religious faction or even a hostile nation. The real enemy is giving in to things like fear, hate, greed, apathy, lust, jealousy and pride. Did I miss any?

So c’mon gang, let’s stop all the finger pointing and step up to the plate. We should take our cues from our little winged friend. Of course I mean the bee. Have you ever stopped to appreciate what bees do for us or do you only swat at the little buzzers when they get in your space? And no, this isn’t the part where I go “green” on you. Heaven forbid! Bees offer us so many lessons; like humility, self-sacrifice, teamwork, nobility, hard work. Heck, I could go on for hours. I gotta justify the costume somehow, right? ;O)

So, you know who the real heroes are don't you? No, not a guy in a bee suit. They are those who are willing to, more often than not, take the path of self sacrifice. They’re all around you if you simply take the time to notice. And much of the time they’re people you don’t see, nor will ever meet. Of course, there are the obvious examples, like those who feed the hungry, protect our freedom and kneel by their bedside.

The truth is, we all have our hero moments, but we can all do more can’t we? Don’t get me wrong. This country’s citizenry (that means you) is the most generous in modern history. But haven’t you noticed we’ve taken our eye off the ball lately? Case in point. How many of you know your neighbors by first name? I rest my case. So, I’m issuing each of you a challenge to reach out your hand and Bee The Miracle to a perfect stranger today. Don’t hesitate and don’t wait ‘til tomorrow, because tomorrow may be too late. You were born to shine, so why hide it under a bushel? If you want to make a friend, you first have to be one. I'm sure I'm telling you something you already know, but don't we all need to be reminded of what's important?

That's all for now, friends. Stay tuned for more thrilling comments ahead.

This is Buzz Marketeer signing off for now from the Central Hive. Thanks for reading.